LECH-LECHA | Return to Yourself and the Need for Hope

 

וַיֹּאמֶר יְהוָה אֶל־אַבְרָם לֶךְ־לְךָ מֵאַרְצְךָ וּמִמּֽוֹלַדְתְּךָ וּמִבֵּית אָבִיךָ אֶל־הָאָרֶץ אֲשֶׁר אַרְאֶֽךָּ׃

And Eternally Present said to Abram go to yourself from your land, from your birthplace and from your father's house to the land that I will show you. — Tr. Hassidic and Jewish Renewal traditions

Genesis 12:1

 

Ten generations later, we move from Noah to Abraham. Like Noah, Abraham is well into the middle of a long life. He still bears the name Abram given to him by his father. He has not yet left home. And he hears a call from the  formless and unpronounceable Eternally Present. Go forth to yourself. What distinguishes Abram is that he follows the call. He goes out to go in. He trusts that by leaving his land, his birthplace and his father's house, he will find meaning and purpose.

By walking this path, an integration of coming and going, of who he has been and who he will become, he will become Abraham, the father of many peoples. Jewish tradition, from the (likely) 13th century Zohar, the foundational work of Jewish mysticism, to the Hassidic sages such as the Svat Emet, sources Abraham's greatness in that he heard the message we all hear- go to yourself- and he didn't hesitate. He set forth. He changed his life.

The paths of Judaism, NVC and Buddhism all call us to this journey. Buddhist teacher Thich Nhat Hanh said to us on a retreat, it is wonderful to come on retreat and have insights about yourself as part of the Oneness. The next step is to go home and live your life in a way that keeps the insight alive.

In Torah this is recognizing that our nature is the formless יְהוָה , the unification at the heart of all form.  NVC and Buddhism echo this in practices that help us discover and experience our interdependence and interconnectedness with everything. The realization that we come from the same source is a realization that our individual survival and thriving is intertwined with the survival and thriving of the whole of creation. In the dense forest of our life, in the dark wood, as Dante calls it, we find ourselves. And by finding ourselves, we move closer to knowing how we can serve all life.

Clearing

Do not try to save
the whole world
or do anything grandiose.
Instead, create
a clearing
in the dense forest
of your life
and wait there
patiently,
until the song
that is your life
falls into your own cupped hands
and you recognize and greet it.
Only then will you know
how to give yourself to this world
so worthy of rescue.

by Martha Postlethwaite

Nonviolent Communication offers us practices to experience this universality with ourselves and in relationship with others. We use the terminology  of "universal human needs"  to bring us to a connection that is deeply to ourselves and simultaneously, inseparably, to others . We ask, what are the core longings, needs and values that are bringing aliveness to  my choice of words and actions in this moment; and what are yours? We use the tools of NVC to meet in the field where we recognize that in human form , in life form, we all share the same needs. We create connection so we can look for shared paths  that bring more of these needs in their fullness into the world , thereby uplifting each of us to our life journeys.

Buddhism offers practices of sitting and walking meditation, to establish oneself in mindfulness. We bring our awareness to our own body, breath, mind and what is filling  the mind. In this dwelling into the present moment, we discover that our true nature, of all form, is interbeing. No form is separate from all other form.

What do we mortals need to embark on this inner/outer journey? To leave our known habits and comforts, to set forth on the journey of our life?

Hope

Abram hears a promise from יְהוָה, from the depths of  formlessness and eternal presence:

וְאֶֽעֶשְׂךָ לְגוֹי גָּדוֹל וַאֲבָרֶכְךָ וַאֲגַדְּלָה שְׁמֶךָ וֶהְיֵה בְּרָכָה׃

I will make of you a great nation, And I will bless you; I will make your name great, and you shall be a blessing. — Tr. Sefaria

Genesis 12:2

 

וְלֹא־יִקָּרֵא ע֛וֹד אֶת־שִׁמְךָ אַבְרָם וְהָיָה שִׁמְךָ אַבְרָהָם כִּי אַב־הֲמוֹן גּוֹיִם נְתַתִּֽיךָ׃

And you shall no longer be called Abram, but your name shall be Abraham, for I make you the father of a multitude of nations. — Tr. Sefaria

Genesis 17:5

Abram receives a vision, hope,  inspiration, from the inner/outer voice. His journey is fueled by a vision of something better, a vision of something that will feed our bodies and souls.

Each of us needs this hope, to vision, to dream, that something better will come from the effortful journey.

Last year I was in a Zoom conversation with Palestinian peace activist Ali Abu Awad. Ali said that things are so bleak in the Mideast, people can't even imagine living in peace with each other. We need to find ways to feed the dream of a better world.

I heard wisdom about our own situation in the U.S. reflected in his words. We have lost the capacity to even imagine that we all can live together peacefully, that we can create something in which all of us, and the Earth from which we spring forth, will thrive.

What are we without these hopes and dreams?

As poet Langston Hughes wrote about the Great Migration of African Americans from the South to the North:

Dreams

Hold fast to dreams
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird
That cannot fly.
Hold fast to dreams
For when dreams go
Life is a barren field
Frozen with snow.
— Langston Hughes (1902-1967)

Go to yourself and to community, build movements, to nourish your hopes and dreams.

A Story of Hopelessness
In the last weeks before the 2020 U.S. elections I had two conversations in my neighborhood with people who were planning to vote for Pres. Trump. I invited the connection that I hoped conversation would bring. I reminded myself that I wanted to connect with people who held different views from me, to learn and to feed my dream of our country moving forward nonviolently. I practiced following my breath and staying grounded in my body to stay present.

NVC reminds me to lean in with curiosity about the human being in front of me. I know that if I lose connection with people I disagree with, if I forget they too are human beings who do what they do to alleviate their own suffering, I too am susceptible to violence.

And I know that if I can stay present and listen in, I will learn something. I will learn about myself, what is important to me, what is scary for me, where I feel aversion. This helps me move toward clarity about a course of action.

I may learn about the other person, in a way that opens up possibilities for connection and new action. I may contribute somehow to more compassion in the world, I may soothe a heart full of turmoil, preventing greater harm. I will learn the next step in my journey.

And I did learn — a lot. I heard expressions of anger and fear about where things were headed. I couldn’t connect with how they got from that place of anger and fear about “rioting” to voting for Trump until I walked away and reflected. I realized I had heard both my neighbors say, in various words, that they feel hopeless about "people destroying this country;" that they may as well vote for "him" because things can't get better anyway. I realized they both had expressed deep hopelessness about this country, about the future, about the possibility of things going well.

I heard despair and panic. Without any dream of things being better.

Hopelessness.
Here is what I wished I had understood and said to them, after hearing their outpourings of anger, despair and panic; of hopelessness that there is another way that offers something better:

Is it that you feel really hopeless about what’s happening in our country right now? Is it that you don’t have any vision of how things could be better, that we can figure out how together we can get to a place that will be safe and stable for everyone?

Find connection. This is the heart of NVC and Buddhism. Live in the intersection where you and me, my needs and your needs, connect.

The path may be long and circuitous. And we do it best in community, as the children of Abraham will learn. But if we don’t take the journey, set forth from stale thinking and living, we will be stuck in anger, shame, blame and depression.

Here is a variation of a practice I learned from Marshall Rosenberg, founder of NVC, that always takes me to a new place within myself, a Lech Lecha Communication Practice.

Go to Yourself, Finding your Voice

1. 1. Think of something you want to say to someone. Write it down in a way you sense would have the best chance to be heard. Keep this brief and concise. (1-2 sentences at most are ideal for this practice). For example, say to a friend or partner: I feel scared and tense when I have a sense that I have displeased you.
   2. Reflect on what value, need, or longing underlies your desire to express. Click here for a helpful list of needs. Write down in a word or short phrase what the need is.
 For example, "For a long time, I’ve been yearning for a friendship where I trust enough to share my truth, my experience, and we have such strong connection and acceptance, that we can grow together and process what happens between us together. My needs are trust, care, growth, connection and acceptance."
   3. Remember another time when you felt the longing for those needs to be met. Take a minute or two to connect to the bodily experience of how important this is to you. For example: sitting here now, I feel tears in my eyes, tenderness in my heart, remembering a time with my daughter when I felt so free to be myself. Explore how this feels.You may want to stop here, and just hang out in this energy, finding the inner peace and connection when your form meets the formless energy of the needs. Or:
   4. From this place of connection to your feelings and needs/values, say what you want to say to someone in your group. (Don’t worry about the “right” words,; just say from the heart whatever it is you want to express.)EG: Can you help me understand something that goes on in me when I feel scared that something I do doesn’t work for you?

Feel free to use the feelings and needs lists from the Center for Nonviolent Communication if helpful:

Basic NVC Feelings List: https://www.cnvc.org/training/resource/feelings-inventory
Basic NVC Needs list: https://www.cnvc.org/training/resource/needs-inventory

Finally, a poem that inspires me to dream, to stand in my power, to set forth: 

The Journey
One day you finally knew
What you had to do, and began,
Though the voices around you
Kept shouting Their bad advice‚
Though the whole house
Began to tremble
And you felt the old tug
At your ankles.
“Mend my life!”
Each voice cried.
But you didn’t stop.
You knew what you had to do,
Though the wind pried
With its stiff fingers
At the very foundations‚
Though their melancholy
Was terrible.
It was already late
Enough, and a wild night,
And the road full of fallen
Branches and stones.
But little by little,
As you left their voices behind,
The stars began to burn
Through the sheets of clouds,
And there was a new voice,
Which you slowly
Recognized as your own,
That kept you company
As you strode deeper and deeper
Into the world,
Determined to do
The only thing you could do‚
Determined to save
The only life you could save.

— Mary Oliver