Vayigash | Encountering The Other As my Brother

O father, my brothers do not love me nor want me among them.
They assault me and throw stones and words at me.
They want me to die so they can eulogize me.
They closed the door of your home and left me outside.

—Mahmoud Darwish, from I am Yousuf, O Father

How do we reveal ourselves to be each other’s brothers and sisters? How does the revelation occur, that the person I took as my enemy or my persecutor, as foreign, is in fact my brother or sister?

This is Joseph’s power.

In his essential human form, clothed or naked, in Hebrew or Egyptian finery, in prison clothes, as the son of Jacob or the advisor to Pharoah, he has the power to open our eyes to our brotherhood and sisterhood, to recognition that we are family.

Joseph has come to a new understanding of everything that has happened and transmits this new narrative to his brothers. The key to unlocking hearts is the forgiveness and reconnection that is born from transforming blame and shame.

 וְעַתָּה ׀ אַל־תֵּעָצְבוּ וְאַל־יִחַר בְּעֵינֵיכֶם כִּֽי־מְכַרְתֶּם אֹתִי הֵנָּה כִּי לְמִֽחְיָה שְׁלָחַנִי אֱלֹהִים לִפְנֵיכֶֽם

Now, do not be distressed or reproach yourselves because you sold me hither; it was to save life that God sent me ahead of you.

Genesis 45:5

Joseph shares his insight with his brothers, that this moment, this present moment, when they are standing face to face, revealed to each other, is a moment of deliverance, of liberation. The journey of generations, of suffering through hatred and rejection, friendlessness, abandonment, slavery, seduction, prison and exile has led to the very moment in which we stand face to face.

It is a frightening moment, and his brothers recoil in fear. For the healing requires standing face to face with everything that has led to this moment, and not turning away. Standing face to face with ourselves and each other, stripped of the cloaks of blame and shame.  Somehow stepping into trust that all this has led us to this moment, to keep us alive for a great transformation.

וַיִּשְׁלָחֵנִי אֱלֹהִים לִפְנֵיכֶם לָשׂוּם לָכֶם שְׁאֵרִית בָּאָרֶץ וּלְהַֽחֲיוֹת לָכֶם לִפְלֵיטָה גְּדֹלָֽה

God has sent me ahead of you to ensure your survival on earth, and to keep you alive for a great liberation.

Genesis 45:7

It is time we stand face to face and tell each other, you have been kept alive in service of my liberation. Whites to Blacks, Jews to Palestinians, Blacks to whites, Palestinians to Jews. My liberation is bound up with yours.

Can we do this?

Here is a practice from Nonviolent Communication that I first introduced at Romemu Congregation in New York City on Yom Kippur afternoon. It is inspired by a teaching I heard from the Dalai Lama in Central Park many years ago. He said, “This moment, when you stand face to face with the karma, the fruits of a harmful action, this could be the moment for which you took birth. It is the moment to change the karma of the harmful action.”

I am Yousuf, O father.
O father, my brothers do not love me nor want me among them.
They assault me and throw stones and words at me.
They want me to die so they can eulogize me.
They closed the door of your home and left me outside.
They expelled me from the field.
They poisoned my vineyards.
They destroyed my toys, O father.
When the gentle breeze passed by they played with my hair they became jealous
And flamed up with rage against me and flamed up in rage against you, What did I ever do to them O father?
Butterflies perched on my shoulders, Stalks of wheat swayed toward me, And birds rested in my palms.
What did I do O father? And why me?
You named me Yusuf, And they threw me into the well, And accused the wolf, The wolf is more merciful than my brothers.
O father! Did I ever wrong anyone when I said: 'I saw eleven stars, and the sun and moon, I saw them prostrating before me? ‘.

—Mahmoud Darwish