Yitro | Belonging, Othering and Receiving

וַיִּשְׁמַ֞ע יִתְר֨וֹ כֹהֵ֤ן מִדְיָן֙ חֹתֵ֣ן מֹשֶׁ֔ה אֵת֩ כׇּל־אֲשֶׁ֨ר עָשָׂ֤ה אֱלֹהִים֙ לְמֹשֶׁ֔ה וּלְיִשְׂרָאֵ֖ל עַמּ֑וֹ כִּֽי־הוֹצִ֧יא יְהֹוָ֛ה אֶת־יִשְׂרָאֵ֖ל מִמִּצְרָֽיִם׃

Yitro, priest of Midian, Moses’ father-in-law, heard all that Original Creative Mind Elohim did for the God-Wrestling people that Eternal Presence brought out from Egypt

Exodus 18:1

 

In this week's Torah, the life and teachings of the Midianite prophet Yitro are preparation for receiving the 10 Principles of Living in belonging without othering. (Rabbinic tradition does not speak of the “Ten Commandments,” but rather of the aseret ha-diberot, the “Ten Utterances.” Buddhism speaks of Mindfulness Trainings.) Yitro embodies presence and bringing your full self into listening. This is how we hear and receive.

We do violence to ourselves and all of creation when we exile parts of ourselves and others. This is "othering":

Othering processes marginalize people on the basis of perceived group differences. Belonging confers the privileges of membership in a community, including the care and concern of other members.

— john a. powell, founder, Othering and Belonging Institute, https://belonging.berkeley.edu/

Torah is often, tragically, interpreted as a celebration of one group's chosen-ness above others. But this week's Torah portion illustrates that freeing minds and opening hearts to receive the 10 core principles of Torah means following the way of Yitro. The high priest of the free desert people of Midian prepares us to receive "the 10 Commandments" at Mount Sinai by showing us how to walk the path out of the duality of otherness to a spiritual freedom that also meets our needs for belonging.

Yitro Hears

The Torah passage opens by telling us Yitro heard. I learned about Yitro from a Druzi sheik in the town of Usifiya in Northern Israel. In the Druzi religion, Yitro (called Shu' ayb) is considered one who is an incarnation of the "universal mind." Because of this he heard and he became Moses' teacher.

Yitro hears and receives the universal message of liberation from his place in the web of life because he is in dialogue with the creative heart mind of the universe called Elohim in Torah. He models that being in dialogue, as Buddhist teacher Thich Nhat Hanh says, means being affected. Being affected by what we hear from within ourselves and from others is the antidote to meeting our needs through violence and domination.

Torah celebrates that Yitro hears from the midst of his own place in society. He hears from within his role in family, as father-in-law to Moses. He hears the call to liberation as he fulfills his destiny (his Torah, his dharma) as high priest in Midian. From within the historical roles he inhabits, he hears a universal truth and a universal voice. "Neither attached nor ignoring," as the Zen koan goes, he hears a message of universal liberation.

As john powell wrote, “Belonging means more than just being seen. Belonging entails having a meaningful voice and the opportunity to participate in the design of social and cultural structures. Belonging means having the right to contribute to, and make demands on, society and political institutions.”

Yitro's people, the Druzi people have much to teach us today about belonging without othering. They too are an ancient people who have maintained their culture and religion and survived against all odds. They have not conquered or waged war against other peoples. There has been a cost of some autonomy and they continue to nonviolently press for greater freedom.

Yitro Rejoices

וַיִּ֣חַדְּ יִתְר֔וֹ עַ֚ל כׇּל־הַטּוֹבָ֔ה אֲשֶׁר־עָשָׂ֥ה יְהֹוָ֖ה לְיִשְׂרָאֵ֑ל אֲשֶׁ֥ר הִצִּיל֖וֹ מִיַּ֥ד מִצְרָֽיִם׃

And Yitro rejoiced over all the kindness that the Breath of Life had shown Israel when He delivered them from the Egyptians.

Exodus 18:9

Torah commentator Avivah Zornberg says that Yitro's rejoicing — hedva in Hebrew — is the first time there had been such rejoicing since humans were expelled from the Garden of Eden. Yitro's rejoicing is the full liberation from Pharaoh nature. Yitro’s capacity to rejoice over another people's good fortune is a liberation from Mitzrayim, the ancient Hebrew word for Egypt signifying the narrow place where our hearts and minds are stuck and constricted. Pharaoh represents the aspect of ourselves and our societies that wall us off from liberation.

In the Buddhist teachings, rejoicing over the good fortune of others, mudita in Sanskrit, is a quality of true love. When we hear and listen from the consciousness of mudita, we expand and enter into the world of abundance and partnership that has been created. When we see other people as competing and taking we enter into a world of scarcity, domination and violence.

Yitro is affected by what he hears

וַיֹּ֙אמֶר֙ אֶל־מֹשֶׁ֔ה אֲנִ֛י חֹתֶנְךָ֥ יִתְר֖וֹ בָּ֣א אֵלֶ֑יךָ וְאִ֨שְׁתְּךָ֔ וּשְׁנֵ֥י בָנֶ֖יהָ עִמָּֽהּ׃

He sent word to Moses, “I, your father-in-law Yitro, am coming to you, with your wife and her two sons.”

Exodus 18:6

עַתָּ֞ה שְׁמַ֤ע בְּקֹלִי֙ אִיעָ֣צְךָ֔ וִיהִ֥י אֱלֹהִ֖ים עִמָּ֑ךְ הֱיֵ֧ה אַתָּ֣ה לָעָ֗ם מ֚וּל הָֽאֱלֹהִ֔ים וְהֵבֵאתָ֥ אַתָּ֛ה אֶת־הַדְּבָרִ֖ים אֶל־הָאֱלֹהִֽים׃

Now listen to me. I will give you counsel, and Elohim of Creativity and Openness will be with you! You represent the people before Elohim of Creativity and Openness: you bring the disputes before their Elohim of Creativity and Openness

Exodus 18:19

Yitro is affected spiritually and in his actions by what he hears. He is already living in the desert wilderness with his people. And now he himself enters the wilderness of Sinai through his embodiment of the quality of receptivity and hearing. He rises as the great spiritual seeker and at the same time in his place as family patriarch, he brings his daughter and grandchildren with him.

The Hasidic Masters contemplate and celebrate Yitro's move into another wilderness, the wilderness that Thich Nhat Hanh calls emptiness. Where everything is in full potential. These great masters are not  limited by the physical wilderness in which they and their people live. In Torah, Yitro enters a spiritual wilderness, bringing the generations with him.

Yitro mentors Moses on how to lead. He rolls up his sleeves and joins in the movement for freedom because he lives the realization of Ubuntu, the interdependent nature of humanity. My being, my freedom, is tied up with yours.

 

Yitro Returns Home

וַיְשַׁלַּ֥ח מֹשֶׁ֖ה אֶת־חֹתְנ֑וֹ וַיֵּ֥לֶךְ ל֖וֹ אֶל־אַרְצֽוֹ

Then Moses bade his father-in-law farewell, and he went his way to his own land.

Exodus 19:27

Yitro's return to his homeland continue the celebration of the human capacity to enter into unknown spiritual states, connect with other people and places, and then return. We return to where our interrelationships give us the opportunity to heal and repair what we left behind.

Returning home models the engaged spirituality of Torah, Buddhism and Nonviolent Communication. Some traditions celebrate the state of Bliss and staying in Bliss. I saw this when I went on a pilgrimage to learn from the great Hindu saint, Ramana Maharshi. A group of us sat in the cave on the side of Arunachala Mountain where Ramana is said have entered such a deep bliss that he was unaware of the rats or mice nibbling at his toes.

Judaism proposes the path of finding your own Torah, your own way of stringing together the truths of your life, in the very midst of the fire of life.

Collectively Receiving

בַּחֹ֙דֶשׁ֙ הַשְּׁלִישִׁ֔י לְצֵ֥את בְּנֵי־יִשְׂרָאֵ֖ל מֵאֶ֣רֶץ מִצְרָ֑יִם בַּיּ֣וֹם הַזֶּ֔ה בָּ֖אוּ מִדְבַּ֥ר סִינָֽי׃

On the third new moon after the Israelites had gone forth from the land of Egypt, on that very day, they entered the wilderness of Sinai.

Exodus 19:1

After following instruction of the prophet Yitro, on the third New moon after the Israelites had gone forth from Egypt, the Israelites enter the wilderness of Sinai and camp before the holy mountain.

Three days later, as morning dawned, amidst thunder and lightning, they heard and saw a dense cloud and a loud blast of a ram's horn. As the people trembled Moses led them out of their camp toward Presence. They took their places at the foot of the mountain.

This moment is one of the most powerful in Jewish spirituality. The entire people, standing together and trembling are about  to have a direct encounter with that which is beyond our perception and understanding. The force of this encounter makes the mountain tremble amidst thunder, smoke and fire. The people are warned: don’t look or you will die.

What does that mean — that looking at what can never be seen will bring you death? One way I understand this ls that in this world of physical form, where our souls are encased in bodies, there's just so far that we can go toward a complete spiritual liberation. If we go too far we will be leaving behind people who need and love us, We will be leaving behind a world that is broken and that needs us to repair its brokenness.

Over and over, from Abraham to Jacob to Yitro to Moses, the wisdom path presented to us in Torah is to choose life within the suffering of the world, to not turn our backs on the suffering of the world, even over an exquisite spiritual liberation of merging with the Divine.

Moses enters the state of non-fear and tries to tell the people not to be afraid. Hear the law, the 10 Principles, as guidance for an enlightened life. Oh but how a voice within me resists believing that there are any cosmic laws built into how things are that I would be better off following.

I was once engaged in a Buddhist practice period at a monastery in Colorado. Like at Sinai, there were rules for everything. Rules for which foot you step into the meditation hall with. Rules for how you arrange your bowl and how you wrap your bowl and utensils and clean them, and of course rules for when you could speak and rules for when you maintain silence. And a very tight schedule which we were all expected to follow. In a conversation with the Roshi — the teacher — I expressed frustration about all of these rules. He said to me, all of these rules have one purpose – to help us quiet our minds. So that we don't have to be always choosing and debating and deciding and waiting. Even down to which foot I move enter the meditation hall.

This organizes the community around quieting the mind for direct intimate connection with life in every moment. This is the possibility offered by these 10 Torah principles brought down from the fire of Sinai. This is Shabbat, limiting activities from those precious 25 hours that take our minds and hearts away from connection.

How do we create for ourselves lives and experiences that bring us into intimacy of the majesty of what is?

Every religion, spiritual and engaged life path offer practices and communities to help us answer this question and guide us into deep connection with the majesty of what it is. The teaching of Torah through Yitro, and of Thich Nhat Hanh, is to breakthrough any notions of separateness that prevent us from fully celebrating others' liberation.

Don't Put Yourself Above Anyone Else

וְלֹֽא־תַעֲלֶ֥ה בְמַעֲלֹ֖ת עַֽל־מִזְבְּחִ֑י אֲשֶׁ֛ר לֹֽא־תִגָּלֶ֥ה עֶרְוָתְךָ֖ עָלָֽיו׃ 


Do not ascend My altar by steps, that your nakedness may not be exposed upon it.

Exodus 20:23

At Sinai, Eternally Present instructs Moses to remind the people that they have had a direct experience of this majesty, so they don't need to make gods of silver or gold. They don't need to use hewn stones for an altar. And most importantly, don't put yourself in the place of God over others. You will not survive such nakedness.

Ten years ago I helped organize and lead a weekend encounter in Nonviolent Communication of about 60 women in the desert outside of Jerusalem. We included 10 or 15 very religious Jewish women from Israel who came with the Torah scroll that women at the wall use at the Kotel in Jerusalem. We included 10 or 15 Palestinian Moslem and Christian women, some living inside of Israel and some living in the West Bank. We included a number Jewish and non-Jewish women from the US, a Catholic nun living in Israel and non religious Israeli Jewish women from inside of Israel.

On Friday afternoon the Muslim women invited prayer the Jewish and Christian women to their prayer service. On Friday night and Saturday morning everyone was invited to the Jewish Shabbat services.

By the end of the Saturday morning Shabbat service, the level of connection and love was high. We prepared for the kiddush, the sanctification of the wine and bread after the Shabbat morning service, together as a whole community.

The 60 or so of us gathered in a large circle and wine and great juice was passed around. When we reached the Hebrew prayers for the sanctification of the wine, those who knew the prayers chanted in Hebrew thanking the Eternal for choosing the Jews from among all the other people.

One of the Palestinian women who lives in Israel and is fluent in Hebrew burst into loud sobs. Many women rushed up to comfort her. She shared through her tears how the Jewish belief on their chosen-ness has inflicted great suffering on her and her people, justifying placing the Palestinian people below them.

Hearing that, some of the Jewish women burst into tears. One tried to explain that to her, this chosen-ness doesn't mean the Jews are above anyone else – that the chosen-ness means that God has singled out the Jewish people for certain responsibilities – responsibilities that are spelled out in the Torah as 613 laws for living a holy life.

Today, in a world that is growing increasingly suspicious of people who hold on to separate ethnic identities, in a world that is growing increasingly aware and outspoken about privileges that go along with certain races and religions, what this chosen-ness means must be examined with deep care and thought.

Is it possible to believe that one people, your people, are chosen for something special, without inevitably sliding into claiming some sort of privilege?

This week Jewish synagogues all over the world are redoubling security while Palestinian homes and the families that live in them are demolished and beaten. Fundamentalism and racism, hatred and violence, permeate every society. We cannot ignore or somehow see ourselves outside of these dangers which are threatening the very existence of earth.

These are my thoughts as I prepare to observe the Sabbath, making my own home a house of worship.

 

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NVC exercise: Presence with the Universal

This is a variation of a practice I learned from beloved Nonviolent Communication guide Robert Gonzales who passed into another realm this season. It is a wonderful practice to do on Shabbat afternoon or anytime you can create a quiet settled space. As Yitro did, hear, listen and receive the full humanity and experience of another:

• • Ask a trusted friend to sit and witness how love lives in you; offer to sit and witness how love lives in them.
  • Plan to sit together for an hour in a quiet place
  • Sitting across from your partner, each picks an aspect of love to explore. This is a practice of envisioning all the Needs on this sheet as forms of love
  • Whoever goes first tells the other person what they are exploring: for example," I will explore love in the form of the needs for appreciation and being seen."
  • Partner then asks, "How does love in the form of appreciation and being seen live in you?"
  • Then the partner listens.
  • After the speaker shares and then relaxes into at least a 10 second pause, the partner repeats, how does "love in the form of being seen" live in you?
  • And then listen. We do this three times.
  • Then sit silently for a few moments.
  • Then switch to the other person.
  • Finish by sitting, journaling and or sharing

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Poems by Thich Nhat Hanh

Oneness

The moment I die,
I will try to come back to you
as quickly as possible.
I promise it will not take long.
Isn’t it true
I am already with you
in every moment?
I come back to you
in every moment.
Just look,
feel my presence.
If you want to cry,
please cry.
And know
that I will cry with you.
The tears you shed
will heal us both.
Your tears are mine.
The earth I tread this morning
transcends history.
Spring and winter are both present in the moment.
The young leaf and the dead leaf are really one.
My feet touch deathlessness,
and my feet are yours.
Walk with me now.
Let us enter the dimension of oneness
and see the cherry tree blossom in winter.
Why should we talk about death?
I don’t need to die
to be back with you.

 

Defuse Me

If I were a bomb
ready to explode,
if I have become dangerous to your life,
then you must take care of me.
You think you can get away from me, but how?
I am here, right in your midst.
(You cannot remove me from your life.)
And I may explode at any time.
I need your care.
I need your time.
I need you to defuse me.
You are responsible for me,
because you have made the vow
(and I heard it) to love and to care.I know that to take care of me
you need much patience, much coolness.
I realize that in you there is also a bomb
to be defused.
So why don't we help each other?

I need you to listen to me.
No one has listened to me.
No one understands my suffering,
including the ones who say they love me.
The pain inside of me is suffocating me.
It is the TNT that makes up the bomb.
There is no one else who will listen to me.
That is why I need you.
But you seem to be getting away from me.
You want to run for your safety,
the kind of safety that does not exist.

I have not created my own bomb.
It is you.
It is society.
It is family.
It is school.
It is tradition.
So please don't blame me for it.
Come and help,
if not, I will explode.
This is not a threat.
It is only a plea for help.
I will also be of help
when it is your turn.

—Thich Nhat Hanh, Call Me By My True Names (Berkeley: Parallax Press, 1999)

Inspired by Thich Nhat Hanh

I am a cloud
I am the blue sky
I am a bird
Spreading out its wings
I am a flower
I am the sunshine
I am the earth
Receiving a seed
And I am free when my heart is open
Yes I am free when my mind is clear
Oh dear brother
Oh dear sister
Let’s walk together
Mindfully